Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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