Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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