hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
