On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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