My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize