What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
