This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
