Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
