Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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