Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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