well I can't set my house on fire every night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
