you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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