his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
