Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this will be a night to untag.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
