It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
