my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
