in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
