i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
