Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am available for nakedness
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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