I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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