You made me cry and you don't even care
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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