I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
