I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
