I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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