I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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