We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
