he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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