How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
