I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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