omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
