I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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