these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
