Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
