Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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