Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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