Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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