please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
A bitchslap is in order.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
