my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
