How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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