You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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