You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
