Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
