my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
