i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
