just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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