Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
