I need help removing her.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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