Sober January is a disaster.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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