she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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