I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
