Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
