dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
