so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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