He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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