Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
