I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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