You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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