Your face is a jimmy john
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
