Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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