Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
