im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
