dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You have to summon your inner elephant
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
