i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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