Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
