I've blown a few things in my day
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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