I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just gargled with NyQuil
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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