Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
