Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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