low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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