Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize