If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
