I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
