This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
