I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
