I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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