So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
