At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He did a backflip because drugs
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
