Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
