are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
