Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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