just come out here and I will go home with you...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
