yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
honey bunches of taint.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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