Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
