wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
