She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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