Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
