i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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