Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize