He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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