I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize