he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
