people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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