I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
