how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
