It's Friday. Sex?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
only you would photoshop your dick
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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