He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
