the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
